The Story Behind The Power of a Praying Wife
As Told by Stormie in Out of Darkness
Things became worse between my husband and me after we moved from California to Tennessee. It had started in Los Angeles as he grew more irritable with me and the children. We all walked on eggshells around him, hoping to avoid his anger directed at us, and it became too stressful to be healthy. In Tennessee it became unbearable, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
One Saturday when Michael was gone on a golf trip with his friends, and my children were also gone spending the day with their friends, I sat on my bed hugging my Bible and poured out my heart to God about my marriage.
For years I had been praying my favorite three-word prayer for my husband, which was, “Change him, Lord!” Why is God either not hearing my prayer or refusing to answer it? I confess I even became upset with God for giving me a husband who was verbally abusive sometimes the way my mother had been. Haven’t I suffered enough with that kind of treatment? Why did God let me marry him without showing me what he would be like?
Help me, Lord. I can’t live this way anymore, and I don’t know what to do.
“Lord, I know You don’t violate our will,” I said. “But if Michael doesn’t want to change because he is fine with the way he is, what about the rest of us? I know what You said about divorce—how You hate it, and I hate what You hate—but I feel as though I’m dying in this marriage. Help me, Lord. I can’t live this way anymore, and I don’t know what to do.”
Because of the excellent sales of The Power of a Praying Parent book, I had just received a larger royalty check than I’d ever had before. I struggled mightily with the temptation to take my children and the check and leave. I could buy a small condominium and never again in my life have to be emotionally beat up by verbal abuse. Of course, I knew I would go through hell if I did that. I would have the wrath of the Christian community, so I could never write for a Christian publisher again. And how would I support the three of us? And who would still be our friends? The picture of our future became so horribly tragic that I had no peace about it. And I knew it wasn’t the answer because it wasn’t God’s will. I could not violate that.
I cried before the Lord, confessing everything that was in my heart at that moment, and I asked Him to forgive me. “Speak to me, Lord. Help me. I am going to fast and pray today until I hear from You.”
I sat waiting upon the Lord and didn’t leave that place until I heard God’s voice penetrate my heart as clearly as I had ever heard Him before.
He said, “If you will lay down your desire to leave and do what I am asking you to do, I will bless you. First of all, you must stop praying your favorite three-word prayer—‘Change him, Lord’—and pray My favorite three-word prayer—‘Change me, Lord.’ ”
Those words sent shockwaves through my system.
“But, Lord, I’m not the one who needs changing here. It’s him,” I said as respectfully as I could.
God invited me to reason with Him about this. ”Everyone needs to change,” He explained, “because everyone falls short of what I want them to be.”
God wants us all to become more like Him, I realized.
“If you are willing to change,” He continued, “I can use you as an instrument of deliverance for your husband. If you are willing to lay down your desire to leave and surrender to My will for your life, I will teach you to pray the way I want you to for your husband.”
There were no guarantees, but there was also no other option.
It actually hurt to lay down all the injustices collected from the past in our marriage and begin again as if these offensive things had never happened, but I said yes to God. There were no guarantees, but there was also no other option.
When my husband came home the next day, I told him what the Lord had impressed upon my heart. “Michael, God showed me that I have not been praying for you the way He wants me to, so I’m going to pray for you every day, and I want you to tell me specifically how you want me to pray.”
He agreed to do that.
Each morning I asked Michael how he wanted me to pray for him, and the most amazing thing happened. He would take the time to tell me about all that was troubling him—many things I didn’t even know.
The more I prayed for him the way God wanted me to, the more changes I saw happening in him. And in me!
Every time his anger would flare up, instead of reacting to it, I prayed that God would show me what was causing it and help me respond in the way that I should. I asked God to take my husband’s anger away and give him peace. Each time I did that, I saw his anger dissipate instead of growing in intensity. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The more I prayed for him the way God wanted me to, the more changes I saw happening in him. And in me!
The changes happening in me came about because before I prayed for my husband, I had to make sure I had no bad feelings, thoughts, or attitudes in my heart toward him—or anyone else, for that matter. I quickly came to see how the “iniquity in my heart” had kept my prayers from being answered. I shared all of this with my prayer group, and they prayed for us each step of the way. The atmosphere of our home gradually transformed as God showed me how to pray for Michael every day.
When my publisher again asked me the following year if there was anything I wanted to write about, I said, “Yes. I want to write The Power of a Praying Wife.” I told them what had happened and all God had taught me, but the publishing committee had concerns about how it would sell because at that time books on raising children sold far better than books on marriage. They were willing to publish it, but it had to be cross-collateralized with the Praying Parent book. That meant if Praying Wife didn’t sell, they would take royalties from Praying Parent to offset any loss.
When it came time for me to share my requests in the prayer group that morning, I said, “I have an unusual prayer request, and I believe it’s from God because I wouldn’t have thought of this myself. But I want you to pray with me about this and tell me if your spirit bears witness to it or not.
“My prayer request is this,” I continued. “I want you to pray that this book I am writing, The Power of a Praying Wife, will be a breakthrough book and be taken all over the world, to every nation God would take it, and to be translated into every language God wants it translated. I know this could sound like visions of grandeur or just plain arrogance, but I come humbly before you with this request.”
Without pause, everyone in the group said their spirit resonated to my request. They believed it was truly from God and that we should pray this way for the book every week—even after it was released. And so we did.
When the book came out, it was so well received that it went to number one on the Christian Bookseller Association’s bestseller list. I called my publisher right away to thank him.
“Hi, Bob. I want to thank you for all your company did to cause this book to be number one on the charts. I’m so grateful.”
“Oh, we didn’t have anything to do with that,” he humbly replied.
“You didn’t?” I was shocked.
“No, only God can do that,” he said firmly, and then he went on to tell me how the book’s sales had increased every month since its release, even beyond Praying Parent’s record sales. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Where the Praying Parent book has sold more than 4.5 million copies, the Praying Wife book has sold more than double that—well over 10 million copies. They were both translated into more than 40 different languages and sent to all the countries where people spoke those languages. God answered our prayers that the book would be taken all over the world, even beyond our dreams.
Only God can do all that.
